Decades ago, Deru, who was still a little girl, woke up seven in the morning, holding her favorite dolls and ran to her parents’ room to have their regular Sunday morning talk in bed.
Most of the time, her parents were talking, she’s just lying in between them comfortably and quietly, listening to their conversation.
She don’t understand most of their words but she enjoyed this lovely moment with her parents.
The next year, her father business was getting better than ever.
New projects kept coming in while he was working overtime to finish up the existing jobs.
That’s included the Sunday morning.
Deru still woke up early as before, just to kiss goodbye with her father before he’s out for work.
She knew she won’t be seeing him until the next morning before school.
She understood that her father was working hard to give her a comfortable living.
The Sunday morning talk in bed is cancelled forever.
Everyone said Deru is a bubbly talkative girl; but, no one know she kept everything in her heart.
What she thought, what she felt and what she saw.
The heaviest weight in her heart was the quarrel of her parents.
Not just once, but a few and more and more.
She hid behind the door of her room, overhearing their angry and resentful argument.
Just like their Sunday morning talk in bed, she’s just listening and made no one sound.
The only difference is she’s hidden from her parents.
She hate the horrible way her parents talked to each other.
She hate herself for being small and powerless.
What she can do was locking herself in the room, doodling on her desk and shutting herself from her parents and the rest of the world.
Nobody noticed the changes of Deru.
She’s still the same smiley girl who talked a lot when people around.
No one, included Deru, noticed something was rotting in her.
This ‘thing’ parasitic in Deru until today.
Twenty something years later, Deru is unsatisfying with everything she have and disappointing in what she had done.
She’s full of doubtness and resentment.
The negativity in her is transforming from an emotion to an action, polluting her life and her relationship with others.
Those who closed to her thought she has bad temper.
But the real reason is the rotten ‘thing’ in her.
So, what’s that ‘thing’? That’s her inner child.
Deru’s original self who was hiding behind the door while her parents argued, is sabotaging her life since the moment she abandoned the poor self in the invisible memory corner.
Initially, nothing happened.
As she grewing up, the gap between Deru and her inner child expanding more and more.
She forgotten this inner child but the inner child never forget about her.
The wound from her self-blame when her parents were argueing are influencing every decision she made and every feeling she had.
The only way Deru can be happy and peaceful is to reconnecting with her inner child.
This inner child doesn’t want to bring Deru any harm.
She loves Deru and she needs Deru.
Part of her turned into harmful toxic, residing in Deru’s subconscious.
These toxic fed Deru negativity; as a result, Deru is unhappy, resentful and always full of doubtness.
As soon as Deru recognize this part of her and accepting the fact that she doesn’t have to blame herself for the unhappy memories, her inner child will be released from the memory prison and Deru will be able to find peace and happiness in her mind.
Hi there, this is Lavennz.
You just listened to my part of story of this painting, ‘Abandoned Forest’.
I like this new way of telling my own interpretations of my work and I hope you do too so after listening to the story, can youguess my intentions for the background pattern and the monster flowers surrounding the little girl in the middle? Please share me your idea from painting in the comment.
I love to hear what you think and it’s always inspired me to create my next piece.